It was in February of 1989, that I decided to finally take the steps in accepting my sexuality. I knew for many years that I was gay, but I never knew what steps to take from that point.

Unfortunately, this revelation didn't come with an instruction manual. (People know how I am with reading books, anyway. Halfway through it I would have gotten restless and decide to "wing it".) What a scary thought. "Hey lets just jump out there and see what happens!! " At THAT point in my life, I would not have dared.

I was living at home still and having to deal with a controlling parental situation. (Okay so it was abusive...but that's another web page). I couldn't bring home any gay literature, as my room was searched daily, for god knows what, by my neurotic mother. And if anything with the word "Gay" on it had been found, it would have been an ugly situation.

I hadn't expressed my true feelings to any of my friends, so as far as I knew then, I had no outside support. Later I realized that I was wrong. I still have those very friends today, and they continue to be a big part of my life. (I think that they're just waiting to be a part of a lesbian wedding. *giggle*)

At first I called a local Lesbian Information number. It was a recorded message so I was okay with just that step. I just had to listen and not have to say a word. (This was good! Listen to the lesbian.....listen to the lesbian. Yep this WORKED! ) But after weeks of listening to the same monotone voice I knew that I needed more.

I toyed with the idea of calling the local Gay and Lesbian Community Center, but I was so paranoid of being discovered that it took me a LONG time to get the guts to do it. Why it took me so long was nothing but a humorous mess of excuses.(The phone might have been tapped...or they just were SAYING they were a Gay and Lesbian Community Center, but they were REALLY these people that find out where you live, and announce it to your family at Thanksgiving, "Guess what? SOMEBODY here is a LESBIAN! Could you please pass the cranberry sauce?") It's amazing what you can come up with when your faced with the issue of contacting other people that are just like yourself for the very first time.

An example of what I do not recommend anyone doing:

Nervous Individual Questioning Their Sexuality:
<[dialing gay and lesbian community center]

*ring**ring**ring*

Hard Working Volunteer Giving Up Free-time to Help Others:
Hello? Dallas Gay ..

*click* *dial-tone*

N.I.Q.T.S:
[dialing gay and lesbian community center, again ]

*ring**ring**ring*

H.W.V.G.U.F.T.H.O. :
Hello? Gay and Lesbian Al ...

*click* *dial-tone*

See the pattern here people? Don't do this to these wonderful individuals! Just talk. Ask questions. They are there to lend support. And they won't bite........well unless you're into that kind of thing. ;)