Ok so my coming out story is probably not all that unique, but hey if anyone can benefit from reading this then my purpose for writing it was served.  I am 23 and just came out to my immediate family and my friends on August 13^th, 2004.  Yes I did it on Friday the 13^th.  Call me stupid but I wanted to make it memorable, much to my surprise however, I didn’t need any help in that department.  I really came to terms with the fact that I am a lesbian rather recently as well.  My last boyfriend, whom I dated my last semester of college, really was a front.  I was so worried about what people would think and oh my god what if they knew?  So I dated a complete loser and flew him up to Connecticut for the holidays to meet my family.  They hated him too and wanted me to dump him, which I of course did, but I figured well if I am dating guys then no one will know.  Then a marvelous thing happened, I came to my senses and realized there is and never was anything wrong with me!  I am a good, honest, caring person who just happens to be a lesbian.  So who cares what people think?  I was miserable hiding it and I just could not stand lying to my family about who I was.  My immediate family have always been very close with each other, as a matter of fact I consider my father one of my best friends. But anyway I digress…

            To be honest my family did not take this news well at all.  Mind you this was all compounded by the fact that I have never slept with a woman, I had always been too afraid because then that would make it real.  I never doubted that I would love it and that in and of itself was the problem.  So I avoided it.  Now a memo to others who are thinking about coming out:  you might want to sleep with a woman first or maybe even lie about it if you haven’t and you are desperate to be out.  My family was convinced that this was a phase and that I was not really gay because how could I possibly know I was gay if I had never slept with a woman.  “Well mom,” I said, “How did you know you were straight before you had sex?  The answer is I don’t need to sleep with someone to confirm my lesbianism, I know what I am attracted too.”  What I neglected to mention was that for years I have been harboring fantasies about women and would immediately become nervous when faced with any women who was attractive.  Also, well I never found men attractive, I just dated them because that what I was supposed to do.  If they knew one quarter of the thoughts that had gone through my mind they all would have had a stroke.  Yes, just to clarify these thoughts were dirty and we will leave it at that.

            Moving on, my Dad proceeded to get very pissed and yelled at me about not being able to get married in the Catholic Church.  My father and I had fought about this for years; I never wanted to get married in the Catholic Church.  I responded, “Yeah sorry Dad I win by default.”  Not a smooth move but he was being rather mean, not as mean as my mother however, who proceeded to slam me with comments.  “Jenn I always knew there was something horribly wrong with you from the time you were four or five.”  “Bob (my father) we should have had more kids.”  “Rob (my brother) please tell me you are not gay.  I cannot handle having two gay children, one is enough.”  Well thanks mom I so appreciate the support.  I can feel the love.  My brother on the bright side was wonderful.  He was the very first person I came out to and he accepted me and loved me without a second thought.  He even said to me, “Hey Jenn guess what?  We can check out girls together!”  I absolutely loved him for that.  I still do.

            My friends were all wonderful and took it rather well, a select few saw it coming, but most people were shocked to hear of my orientation.  Despite all the bad press, so to speak, that I received from my family this was the best personal decision I have ever made.  I feel so free and so relieved that I don’t have to hide.  I can be who I am and not be embarrassed or ashamed of it.  The road to self-discovery is different for everyone, and although mine took longer than I might have liked I am so proud of who I am and so glad that I can finally be me.  I know there are rough seas ahead, but I welcome them with open arms.  Everything we experience makes us who we are and shapes the person we are to be.  We are constantly evolving, growing and learning.  My father has since come to terms with my sexuality and we are closer than we ever were.  My Aunt Larraine has been wonderful and so has my brother.  My mom and grandma are still having problems and are horribly ashamed of me.  They want absolutely no one to know-ever.  But this is still very new to them and what they really need is time.  I truly do hope they will come to terms with it eventually, and I believe they will though all in their own time.

            As for me, I am now meeting people, going on dates, and generally having a great time finally being myself.  I have met some wonderful people and I look forward to meeting many more.  The road continues to unfold before me and I now look forward to those unexpected bends in the road.  I look forward to building a life that I can be proud of and happy with.  I look forward to finally being happy.  Yay for me and yay for all of those who seek the path of happiness for themselves, whatever that path happens to be.  I wish you the best of luck.  Although my time on this path has been relatively short thus far I have learned that coming out is different for everyone.  No one can tell you when or how you should do it.  That’s your choice.  Whether you are 15 or 45 it is never too early or too late to be who you were meant to be.  My life seems to have begun at 23 and although I am clueless at this point as to the lifestyle and how I fit into this whole new world, I am excited to find out.  I look forward to finding that special woman who will make me happy.  Hopefully I will meet many special women along the way who will enrich my life in ways I cannot even measure yet.  I am now ready to greet the dawn with eager anticipation and a newfound love for myself.  I am ready to finally be me.